


99

by evotter



Series: u got games on yo phone??? [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Muggle AU, Social Media AU, but this is probably the closest thing to that ill successfully write, def high school era but really not mentioned that much, if u cant tell i love the idea of a marauders b99 au, if you squint you'll see wolfstar, james loves b99 what else would u expect, this is way more james/lily interaction than the others
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 19:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17493467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evotter/pseuds/evotter
Summary: Sirius Black to Remus Lupin: if i go down for murder would you help me cover it upRemus Lupin: Obvs notRemus Lupin: What kind of fool do u take me for





	99

**Author's Note:**

> lol i cant stop making these
> 
> pls enjoy this ones a bit of a hot mess

_Sirius Black_ to _3 raisin eaters and 1 NORMAL person_ : is anyone available rn

 _Sirius Black_ : plz

 _Sirius Black_ : answer me

 _Sirius Black_ : this is important

 _Sirius Black_ : im freaking out

 _Remus Lupin_ : ???? Are u okay?????

 _James Potter_ : hold on im in mcgonagalls ill see if i can step out

 _Sirius Black_ : i cant find the eyeroll emoji

 _James Potter_ : ……..

 _James Potter_ : thats what u needed ??

 _Sirius Black_ : well yea

 _Sirius Black_ : its the EYEROLL emoji

 _James Potter_  left the chat

\---

 _Lily_ _Evans_ to _James Potter_ : lol someone at the mall just walked in singing i want it that way

 _Lily Evans_ : and i thought about u and ur dumb b99 obsession

 _James Potter_ : flattered u thought of me

 _James Potter_ : upset that u called b99 dumb :/

 _James Potter_ : u’ve never even seen it

 _Lily Evans_ : course not

 _Lily Evans_ : cause u’ve never once invited me round to start watching it

 _James Potter_ : well im def not going to now cause u just insulted the best show on television

 _Lily Evans_ : ur a nuisance

 _Lily Evans_ : dont leave me on read

 _Lily Evans_ : potter

\---

 _Sirius Black_ to _more espresso less depresso_ : y do people watch the bachelor

 _Sirius Black_ : wot is the point of this show

 _Sirius Black_ : like

 _Sirius Black_ : i want to slap like every1

 _Sirius Black_ : the american version is especially catty like wow

 _Remus Lupin_ : Aren’t u in chem right now

 _Sirius Black_ : ur point

 _Remus Lupin_ : Shouldn’t u be…….paying attention

 _Sirius Black_ : y would i do that when im watching the bachelor illegally

 _Remus Lupin_ : Because ur failing chem

 _Sirius Black_ : again

 _Sirius Black_ : ur point?

 _Sirius Black_ : i would be a great bachelor

 _Remus Lupin_ : Ugh

 _Peter Pettigrew_ renamed the group _sirius black: the next bachelor_

 _Remus Lupin_ : Please don’t encourage him

 _Sirius Black_ : u, moony, are def not getting my first rose

 _Remus Lupin_ : I’ll try to hide how upset I am

\---

 _James Potter_ to _Lily Evans_ : shit

 _James Potter_ : so i found this link of gluten free cookie recipes  

 _James Potter_ : and i meant to send it to u but i lost it when my app crashed

 _Lily Evans_ : why do i need a link of gluten free cookie recipes

 _James Potter_ : my mum is starting her holiday baking early and she wants to make cookies for ur mum

 _James Potter_ : shes gluten intolerant right ??

 _Lily Evans_ : oh

 _Lily Evans_ : yeah she is

 _Lily Evans_ : ur mum doesnt have to bake cookies for us

 _James Potter_ : nah i know

 _James Potter_ : she wants to

\---

 _Peter Pettigrew_ to _backstreets back ALRIGHT_ : u absolute shitdicks

 _Sirius Black_ : u kno the rules pete

 _Peter Pettigrew_ : u let me go ALL THE WAY HOME!?

 _Peter Pettigrew_ : EUPHEMIA NEVER MENTIONED IT

 _Peter Pettigrew_ : MY OWN DAD NEVER MENTIONED IT

 _James Potter_ : yea he was particularly excited to be in on this one

 _Remus Lupin_ : I dont know why ur surprised

 _Remus Lupin_ : This always happens to u

 _Peter Pettigrew_ : it has been like a year at LEAST since we last slept over at the potters

 _Peter Pettigrew_ : id forgotten and i assumed u assholes did too

 _Sirius Black_ : almost did

 _Sirius Black_ : til i remembered that u pushed me in the pond out back

 _Peter Pettigrew_ : THAT WAS 5 YEARS AGO

 _Sirius Black_ : not important

 _James Potter_ : its just my mums eyeliner, pete, it comes off with a washcloth

 _Peter Pettigrew_ : ur all traitors

\---

 _James Potter_ to _Lily Evans_ : i know our timeslot in the library starts literally now but im running a bit late, plz dont kill me ill be there asap

 _Lily Evans_ : are u running late bc ur getting coffee

 _James Potter_ : ….

 _James Potter_ : do u want me to get u something

 _Lily Evans_ : peppermint mocha latte no whipped cream

 _James Potter_ : disgusting

 _Lily Evans_ : i’ll tell mcgonagall on u

 _James Potter_ : traitor

 _Lily Evans_ : be here in 5 with my coffee and i’ll change my mind

\---

 _Sirius Black_ to _James Potter_ : cant fucking believe that fucking mulciber copied my project idea???

 _Sirius Black_ : thats it im going to jail for murder

 _Sirius Black_ : i spent a good hour coming up with that while pete sat and did nothing and id never thought harder in my life

 _Sirius Black_ : why arent you answering its been 5 minutes

 _Sirius Black_ : give me attention

 _James Potter_ : im with evans

 _Sirius Black_ : irrelevant obviously im more important

 _Sirius Black_ : ????

 _Sirius Black_ : this is some bullshit

\---

 _Sirius Black_ to _night rodents_ : jem just blew me off for evans???? EVANS??????

 _Sirius Black_ : im about to divorce him

 _Remus Lupin_ : He’s fancied her for about three years, and now they’re finally friends

 _Sirius Black_ : sO

 _Remus Lupin_ : So let him be busy for an hour or so

 _Sirius Black_ : preposterous

 _Sirius Black_ : he left me on read

 _Sirius Black_ : he must be punished

 _Peter Pettigrew_ : instead of being angry about this can u….like…...maybe help me with this project

 _Peter Pettigrew_ : considering the fact that we need a new concept now

 _Sirius Black_ : just let me have this one thing pete

\---

 _Sirius Black_ to _Remus Lupin_ : if i go down for murder would you help me cover it up

 _Remus Lupin_ : Obvs not

 _Remus Lupin_ : What kind of fool do u take me for

\---

 _Lily Evans_ to _James Potter_ : mum ate one of ur mum’s cookies and cried on the spot

 _Lily Evans_ : tell euphemia that my mum loves her

 _James Potter_ : just did, shes gone and friended ur mum to ask her to come over for tea

 _Lily Evans_ : am i invited

 _James Potter_ : im not even invited

 _Lily Evans_ : guess we’ll have to have our own tea at mine then

 _James Potter_ : i refuse to hang out with someone who wont watch b99

 _Lily Evans_ : i don’t have netflix

 _James Potter_ : inch resting

 _Lily Evans_ : u know i hate it when u do that

 _Lily Evans_ : just spell the word. it’s literally less effort to just. spell. the word.

 _James Potter_ : i n c h r e s t i n g

 _Lily Evans_ : nvm. don’t need netflix bc i’m officially boycotting that show

 _James Potter_ : well im officially boycotting our friendship then

 _Lily Evans_ : fine

 _James Potter_ : fine

\---

 _Lily Evans_ to _James Potter_ : ur just joking right????

 _Lily Evans_ : jem????

\---

 _Remus Lupin_ to _LIVIN LA VIDA LOCA_ : Why did Lily just pull me into an empty classroom and ask me if James was mad at her

 _James Potter_ : djlaksdjf did she rly

 _Remus Lupin_ : What did u do

 _Sirius Black_ : how DARE you assume it was james’s fault

 _Sirius Black_ : i mean it probably was

 _James Potter_ : u are a fake friend

 _James Potter_ : she keeps insulting b99 and i refuse to put up with that negativity

 _James Potter_ : the toxicity

 _Remus Lupin_ : She looked rather upset

 _James Potter_ : oh shit wait did she

 _James Potter_ : i was just takin the piss i didnt realize shed think i was serious

 _Sirius Black_ : im v offended she would ever think you were me

 _James Potter_ : ur annoying

 _Sirius Black_ : why thank you

\---

 _James Potter_ to _Lily Evans_ : come over tonight, bring popcorn and that fuzzy blanket u dont shut up about

 _James Potter_ : ur sitting down and watching b99 with me

 _James Potter_ : bc i cannot possibly be friends with someone who hates my favorite show

 _Lily Evans_ : done

 _Lily Evans_ : i don’t hate it obvs

 _Lily Evans_ : i just told u i wouldn’t watch it unless i was watching it with u

 _James Potter_ : o i thought u were kidding

 _Lily Evans_ : ur a git

 _James Potter_ : i also have more cookies

 _Lily Evans_ : less of a git

 _James Potter_ : and a cat

 _Lily Evans_ : how do u know i don’t have my own cat

 _James Potter_ : u have never mentioned ur cat

 _James Potter_ : and also ur sister is allergic

 _Lily Evans_ : why do i feel like u know a Lot about my family

 _James Potter_ : cos i listen to the shit u tell me, evans

\---

 _Sirius Black_ to _Lily Evans_ : i am doing homework in my room

 _Lily Evans_ : good for u

 _Sirius Black_ : so do not make too much noise down there

 _Lily Evans_ : don’t b fucking gross, we’re watching tv

 _Sirius Black_ : these walls are very thin

 _Lily Evans_ : yeah i know

 _Lily Evans_ : i’ve heard u playing gasolina on repeat for the past 5 minutes

 _Sirius Black_ : if you tell euphemia she’ll take away my speaker

 _Lily Evans_ : oh good, put me out of my misery

 _Lily Evans_ : do ur fucking homework black before u procrastinate too long and have to ask remus for the answers

 _Sirius Black_ : i would literally never

\---

 _Sirius Black_ to _Remus Lupin_ : i forgot to do the homework last night can i pls copy yours

\---

 _Remus Lupin_ to _Lily Evans_ : Wow ur good

 _Remus Lupin_ : Can’t believe u guessed he’d ask

 _Lily Evans_ : it was mostly james

 _Remus Lupin_ : U two are hanging out a lot huh

 _Lily Evans_ : stop interrogating me i am only human

 _Remus Lupin_ : If I knew how to send an emoji I would send u 20 winky faces

 _Lily Evans_ : good thing ur technologically disabled

 _Remus Lupin_ : Guess so

\---

 _Sirius Black_ to  _Remus Lupin_ : pls

\---

 _Lily Evans_ to _James Potter_ : ok pls dont hate me

 _Lily Evans_ : i let marlene borrow my laptop this weekend and she didn’t log out of her netflix

 _Lily Evans_ : and i may or may not have watched a couple episodes

 _James Potter_ : …..how many episodes

 _Lily Evans_ : uhhhh

 _James Potter_ : evans

 _Lily Evans_ : i finished the season

 _Lily Evans_ : potter

 _Lily Evans_ : james?????

 _Lily Evans_ : im SORRY

 _Lily Evans_ : pls

\---

 _Peter Pettigrew_ to _starlight brigade_ : lily just told me to tell prongs to answer her texts and to say that she’s sorry

 _Remus Lupin_ : James u seriously have to stop teasing Evans like this

 _James Potter_ : no this time im ACTUALLY mad

 _Sirius Black_ : ur takin the piss

 _James Potter_ : no im not

 _James Potter_ : she WATCHED b99 WITHOUT ME

 _James Potter_ : when she SPECIFICALLY SAID SHE WOULD ONLY WATCH IT WITH ME

 _James Potter_ : an act of utter betrayal

 _Remus Lupin_ : It’s just a TV show mate

 _James Potter_ : its a declaration of love

 _James Potter_ : this show is very important to me

 _Sirius Black_ : jem dont b a fucking idiot

 _Sirius Black_ : just b glad she actually likes this show considering that you dont shut up about it

 _Sirius Black_ : just tell this fucking girl that you’re into her so you can stop being annoying about it

 _James Potter_ : thats a bit harsh padfoot

 _Sirius Black_ : am i wrong???????

 _James Potter_ : maybe

 _Sirius Black_ : i am never wrong

 _James Potter_ : that is…..Not Correct

 _Sirius Black_ : no

 _Remus Lupin_ : FUCKS SAKE

 _Remus Lupin_ : Stop arguing with Sirius and just text Lily

 _Remus Lupin_ : And for the record, ur all annoying all the time so confessing ur feelings probably won’t help that

 _James Potter_ : honestly moony thats real fucking rude and quite hurtful i thought we were friends

 _James Potter_ : were not that annoying

 _Remus Lupin_ : Sorry right my bad

 _Remus Lupin_ : Pete I apologize

 _Peter Pettigrew_ : i accept ur apology

 _James Potter_ : ur all shit mates

 _Remus Lupin_ : It’s bc we care

 _James Potter_ : yea yea

 _Remus Lupin_ : Sooooo??

 _James Potter_ : texting her now

 _Sirius Black_ : fucking finally

\---

 _James Potter_ to _Lily Evans_ : ur gonna have to find some way to make it up to me u know

 _Lily Evans_ : are u always this dramatic about a tv show

 _James Potter_ : absolutely

 _James Potter_ : its my favorite show in the entire world

 _James Potter_ : and thing is

 _James Potter_ : i really want u to like it because u might maybe be my favorite person in the entire world

 _James Potter_ : and im glad u like it so honestly

 _James Potter_ : u can watch it without me if thats what u want sorry for being an asshole about it

 _Lily Evans_ : noooooo

 _Lily Evans_ : i really honestly got carried away, i only meant to finish the episode we’d been in the middle of

 _Lily Evans_ : i really only want to watch it with u

 _Lily Evans_ : tho i can’t say ur my favorite person in the entire world because that honor goes to algernon

 _James Potter_ : he’s a cat

 _Lily Evans_ : irrelevant

 _Lily Evans_ : but ur my second favorite

 _James Potter_ : cant believe ive been sidelined by my own fucking cat

 _Lily Evans_ : hes beautiful

 _James Potter_ : so r u

 _Lily Evans_ : wow ~smooth~

 _James Potter_ : so what do u say evans

 _James Potter_ : will u b the santiago to my peralta???

 _Lily Evans_ : does

 _Lily Evans_ : that mean they get together

 _Lily Evans_ : did you just

 _Lily Evans_ : spoil the show for me

 _James Potter_ : do u want to go out or not

 _Lily Evans_ : idk now

 _Lily Evans_ : since u just spoiled b99 for me

 _James Potter_ : ok fine, ill just keep watching and eat these cookies by myself

 _Lily Evans_ : im jk, obvs im not as dramatic as u are

 _Lily Evans_ : plus i called it in the pilot

 _James Potter_ : offended

 _Lily Evans_ : if i kiss u will u be less offended

 _James Potter_ : might have to kiss me more than once

 _Lily Evans_ : def can be arranged

 _James Potter_ : so are u coming over or

 _Lily Evans_ : duh im on my way

\---

 _Remus Lupin_ to _Sirius Black_ : I’ve given it some thought

 _Remus Lupin_ : If u ever murdered someone

 _Remus Lupin_ : I would probably do everything I could to make sure u didn’t go prison

 _Sirius Black_ : good to know

 _Sirius Black_ : if i was ever on the bachelor u would def get my first rose

 _Remus Lupin_ : Good to know

  


**Author's Note:**

> NOINE NOINE


End file.
